I CANT UNTANGLE

Dear lord good friends!
Has it really been this long? I am in shock! But not really. I guess I forgot something other than Gmail, Twitter and looking up videos and pictures of my darling Sasa Quin exsisted online. But to be fair, there are lots of beautiful/hilarious pictures/videos of her and Tegan I must see. Its quite the undertaking.
A word of caution, unless you have about 3years of your life to spare, starting now..I wouldn't continue reading.

Since summer I guess a whole lot has happened but most of which I cannot remember or would rather not due to a mixture of bad/good decisions and a whole lot of vodka and rum. Don't worry, I think it was a phase. I am currently only making those same decisions and some new ones without the help of my lovely refreshing fronds..well, about 90% of the time.. :)

Xmas and New Years were both super fun occasions, both spent in Boston with my lovely lovely family and some of my refreshing fronds. We spent pretty much 4 days partying hard for the end of 2009. Because let's face it, 2009 can suck it. Also because not only was Ricky going back to bootcamp but my ridiculous cousin Andy was also leaving the day after for Marines bootcamp. Oh, those boys. I got my ear pierced in drunken boredom by my cousin Erika who is adorable and has a steady hand. And played LOTS of Super Mario Wii and RockBand. I am now an expert at sining off pitch. Impressive. Here is a pic with 2 of the 100 amazing cousins I have. I will post a pic soon to illustrate this point. It's amazing. :) Like I said, pardon. Unphotogenic.

Momma bear and I have joined our local gym at an attempt "to get in shape this year, hija!" It was a dollar to join and ten a month. This is how it goes. My mom and I hit the gym for about 1.5 hours, working hard and making "working hard" faces to each other from across the gym. I mostly just run and watch Ellen. We then cry about how much more delish everything looks when you are trying to lose weight, so we eat some cheese or a cookie and watch some tv instead. Where every commercial is for food. It did not help that we watched Julie & Julia on our first day at the gym. Now my mom wants to buy the cooking book and teach me to cook! This is not what I was expecting..

I am still unemployed and confused. Sometimes, I am all about doing graphic design and I miss it *mucho*. And then sometimes I think that I would rather just move to Montreal and learn french and work in a super market, or plant some potatoes somewhere. And then I realize, what I realized at the gym. I have pretty weak arms, bad for farming. I need to bulk up then. Potato sacks are heavy. I guess I will keep looking for a "job job" until I can compete in the Worlds Strongest Woman comp.

In sad news, cause there was a lot at the end of the year...is that my lovely mocha had to be put to bedtime forever in November. It sucked. I cried. Its quiet, but I suppose less hairy around here. Also my lovely brah brah, my rat...or rather one of them, either froze to death or had a heart attack. What I though was an adorable condition (chronic hiccup) probs did him in. It sucked. I cried. I buried him in my backyard.

I rode my bike a lot lot, got hit at least one more time by the stupendous RI drivers I love so much and I finally saw TEGAN & SARA in concert after missing out like 6 times on seeing them since high school. God I love them. Halloween show. EPIC. 1992 Julianne Moore. SARA IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I mean look at her. (On left) But for realz. These girls. Both kill me.

Lets see, the problem is its been so long I don't remember half of the things that have happenend. And the other part of the problem is that I have such a major crush right now that its all I can think about. As my boy back in my youth (big pun) pointed out : "Im not a player, I just crush alot" This is true about me. I can't help that I fall in love about every 5 minutes. People need to stop being so goddam charming and flirty and adorable on top of having magificent jawlines and being tall and beautiful and shit. It just confuses me. And gets me in trouble with other people who are equally charming and have magnificent collarbones and or hipbones. JEEEZ. I swear at any given time of the day I think that 6 different people are THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. This is only going to get more frustrating as I progress in age.

Right now I have been applying to jobs and playing video games. Its like I'm 16 again. Only when I was 16 I was playing Zelda instead of this violent zombie killing and nazi killing games. I have also begun playing my guitar alot and writing more to keep my brain from buzzing itself to death. I am currently re-organizing my bed so I have been sleeping in Rickys room. Which makes ALOT of noise. Is it haunted? I don't know. But Lyndz and Joanna you will both be cuddling up in here so be prepared lol. I am very much looking forward to seeing Cynthia and Lyndz and Joanna this weekend. Its been to long. I've missed you girls like I miss the wildberry poptarts. THATS ALOT!

Ok enough, I always get insulted when people tell me I talk alot, but now I see...Wow, thanks for reading. You are a true friend. Bored? Yeah I know it. I am sleepy.

Always off to bed,

Gaby

Hello.

I am still melting. Probably more than I was last week.

Last time I did this I told you about how I had made 2 new furry friends. Well, last thursday, right before Cynthia was set to come visit for FOO FEST, I made another furry friend. He was very temporary, so much so that he never really got a name. It wasn't without trying though. Ask Cynthia, we tried to give him an old man name. Abraham, George, and Lincoln to name a few. Hmmm, very presidential.

Also, the weekend before Katherine came by to pack up some stuff and hang out before she is in NYC permanently. While she was here for a couple of days we went to my cousins birthday party up in Boston which I had a really good time at. We spent our time eating and making lanyards out of GIMP! I have to thank Erika for bringing awesomely random things to parties. I love you. Here's a pic of Kat, Erika, Irene and I having a grand time with plastic string. :)



Right now I am of course up to no good. I drank another monstourus slushie and watched some L Word. I have also probably watched everything there is on youtube about Emma and Tegan and Sara. Easy to say I AM IN LOVE. I am grabbing some new music and working a little but like I said. Up to no good.

Stay cool and in a pool of crushed ice.

Your Friend,

Gaby

Hello.

I am melting.

Last time I did this I was drunk. And it was like 60 months ago. I was told I should probably update it. UPDATE!
Since then I have eaten a copius (sp) amount of watermelon, made new friends (my pet rats, more on that later), started two classes that I need to graduate (wack), and generally just been riding my bike all day. Though the rain has killed that dream 8 or 9 times.

Life is going ok. I'm pretty bored with still being a student and can't wait till August 24th. Thats my last day of class I think. It might be sooner. Otherwise, all is going well. I've just been (like i said) riding my bike and pretending to do my homework early. I stay up too late and sleep in too much. I also go through these phases where I want to pack up and move somewhere new altogether. I get over it pretty quick, in like a day, but for that day I HATE everything lol. I just want to move to Vancouver or wherever and be someone new. But then I wake up and Im like pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Life is good. WTF. I am such a baby. I guess its because everyone has started with their lives and I haven't.

Anywayz.

Katherine came over last night to my hot, hot, no air conditioned room and cut my hair. Well technically that happened in my kitchen. I showed her a picture of Sara Quin (of T&S) and she got to cutting. I of course forgot that Sara and I don't look the same at ALL. Last night I did not like my hair too much. This morning I am happy. Even though sometimes I look like Angela Anaconda or Ringo Star. Katherine did a great job. Here is a picture to illustrate how I wear my hair now: ignore the fact that I am in class.

They are kind of jerks to mocha, well Brah Brah is anyway.

.....

Goddam I have a pop quiz in class. STUDYING DID NOT HAPPEN. Shit.

Nevermind, false alarm.

Ok thats my update on life right now. I'll try to keep this more current than once a year since I dont ever see who reads this (cindy).

Ok friends. Stay cool and well fed.

Your friend,

Gaby

um. so that was a strange long intense night. and its only 240.

So I think Cynthia has the right idea on this business.
Post here all my thoughts and junk. You know the sentimental stuff.
Post on my tumblr all the things that make me laugh cry..you know all that other cooler stuff.
So, good call Cindy. Thats awesome. You really are the brains of the operation.
But I still have nothing to blog about.


Well maybe.
I went to see a show (Tallahassee, Last Good Tooth...) by some RISD kids as well as some other bands tonight with D and Jackie and it was pretty awesome. I drank some delish drinks and bought a sexy t-shirt. Im pretty excited cause its heather grey. MMM.
Tommorow after class I am hanging out with Esty for some dominican lovin and to catch up and on Thursday I am finally going to go get my tattoo(s).
It has to be done and I keep waiting. But, the longer I wait the less money I have so I best do it now. After which I am going to go to McFaddens with D and Jackie for a friends get together which I don't want to be awkward so I am bringing backup. It should be interesting to say the least. I am always kind of awkward at first meeting so maybe having people around me who I know might help. But, Im pretty awkward either way so NO WIN!
The Friday morning I am going to leave for NYC. I come back Sunday around 11 which is about the time I begin HW anyway so I figure I will be fine.
Hopefully while in NYC I get to see Equus and Vanessa the love of my life. And of course the lovely people who make the city oh so sexy. You know who you are.

Living alone has been kind of weird but pretty ok I think. I mean, I am now positive that I am not the kind of person who can live alone. I need energy around me and I need stability and just in general another point of view. Plus. Living alone makes it easy to be a recluse, which I am always on the verge of becoming. So, I have to keep myself going and make myself do stuff and meet up with people and call. But, I guess it has made it easier on the bringing home front. Haha. Thats kind of awesome.
Also, I dream a lot weirder now being alone. Like weird ass scary dreams all the time. My body must know its going to wake alone.
Anyway. I miss everyone alot. Alot alot. And I am excited to see everyone again. But thats 3 weeks. So until then.

<3

Im moving over to twitter cause its sexier and i hate bloggers layout.

here is my blog blog with random stuff and writing

so close

and here is my music tumblr

safe soft alone


cool.

I should never do these things when I have had a bit too much to drink. For one, it takes too damn long. For two its like drunk dialing. Truth is I dont know why I am doing this thing. I guess I can't sleep and slow typing is my ffavorite thing in the world. I am a pro.
I can feel my pulse on my collar bone and my mouth tastes like alcohol and cigarrettes. My lips are swollen my eyes are burning my cheeks are red I can't stop crying. Its so stupid. I just can't. Even if I wanted to I couldn't. I get to emotional at these times and everything I cant have and everything I hate about myself comes to the surface. Even after a great night. A night with nothing to be mad about. Here I am.
I recently saw a commercial. Maybe I am just chronicaly depressed and esp when I am drunk. I mean, with my history. I probabably shold not drink. But here I am. My hands are tied and I am tired. The one thing I want is so far away, and I am to scared of everything.
I am who I am and I am afraid I will become my father. Or maybe not. I dont knwo. All I know is that when I am this drunk and alone all I want to do is cry and yell and scream and read and listen and sleep next to you. I just want to be next to you. I just want to be next to something. I just dont want this.
All I know about myself I learned from you. All I know is that I am a mess and honestly maybe I dont care for relationships because I am trying to keep people from this. Not because I want to be alone. Because.

Brief, I keep telling myself to be brief.
To the point.
I have been failing so badly at it. I am a talker, a gabber. Pun, really really not intended. The new year is coming, and I am not really one for new year resolutions because I tendto lie to myself much more than anything else, but I am constantly reminded that I need to get my shit together. I am a mess.
Here are some examples:

I am inconsistent
I am unreliable
I am lazy
I am stubborn
I am a know it all
I am a child
I am irresponsible
I am prone to too many distraction
I am prone to jumping to conclusions
I am a world class sleeper. In a bad way.
I put too much pressure on people.
I overwhelm
I underwhelm
I never finish what I begin
I don't want to hang on too much
I don't want to let go either
I am a mess

I have a busy year ahead. Most of these failures have developed within the last few years which is frustrating. Either way I should change, soon.

I guess another thing that I should fix within the next few like, seconds is one of the above. I need to stop putting excess pressure on people. I realize that I am overwhelming certain people with my talk of the years to come and what's going to happen with friendships and everything else. When this happens just hit me, or put your hand over my mouth. I can't help it. So, losing people is my forte and saying goodbye is like a catch phrase. Sorry. I need to stop, but just know that when I do this I have nothing but good intentions. I just love the people in my life so much it would just suck to have the people I know become the people I knew.

I keep doing this to people. I was recently talking to a friend who I had been really close to for a long time and it's made me feel terrible because I realized I shut her out. It's more me than anything. When given the opportunity I do that. I become a hermit, I am a child in that sense I suppose. Maybe I just want attention. Well, thats stupid. Maybe I want them to look for me. I don't know.

Otherwise, I guess since the last time we spoke the only major changes have been outside of me. Presidents were chosen, decisions over love were made. Let's hope we continue to take steps forward and stop taking steps back.

//<3

this weekend everything goes back to how it used to be.
everyone returns.
its like we never left.
well, of course i never left.

im excited for the big move in but not at all excited to start school. the idea that i may not graduate on time has burrowed so deep in my brain that its making it hard to concentrate. ive got too much to do and no energy to do any of it.

j, we should start a crew. an, i-hate-the-way-school-makes-me-feel-crew. i cant wait to party like its 1987 with you.

either way im excited.
i get to live with my 3 favorite people for millions of months and i am at a good/happy point in my life. something which has not happened to me, ever. i credit my beautiful friends, my beautiful family. i am also at a point where i am just letting things happen and i am not one for caring about the consequences anymore. that, has always slowed me down.
that, has always left me unhappy.

so hannah montana is gonna come to rhode island tommorow, and by hannah montana i mean hannah, the hurricane.
i agree, both equally annoying. shes supposed to rain down on us for many hours and send some lightning bolts down.
bitch.
doesn't she know that two beautiful women are landing at tfgreen that day? what a whore.

also, something strange is happening, something which has never happened till this summer.
i have attracted attractive men. i dont know what to do. ive got two hot dominicans, which are my fave, and an asian boy who are either trying to make me their wifey or take me to bed. im not sure.
i don't want to be a whurr, but i kinda do.
i don't want to know, i just want this year to happen. i don't want to think.
i just really want to have fun.

ok.
too much info?

Its time for some adventure.
Its time for some fun.

I wont lie. So far, I've had an awesome summer.
From being in New York every other weekend to see my girls, which in turn has led me to meet some amazing people, to Katherine making the cross country journey after months of not seeing her to just hanging out with my friends here in Providence. It has without a doubt been great. I am genuinely happy right now.

I work alot, yes. But the rewards have been more than enough.
Skating and hanging out all summer with some of the most genuine people I know.
Hanging out with my brother, which has been really cool.
And seeing my mom happy, which brings me too much joy.
I can't ask for more than to see people around me happy, and this summer has been pretty much that.

I end work next week which is awesome. Im going to miss working at as220, but Im gonna be happy to have days off and not work every hour at Delias.

And now to top off what has already been a great season and to end this summer right and ring in maybe my last year in Providence, Ricky, Juan, Carlos and I are gonna make a journey down to Ohio.
Skatetopia is there, as is mi vieja.
Everyone wins.
I am so excited to be going on a roadtrip I can't sleep.
I have to be at work in like 5 hours and instead I am making plans, making mix cds, and making lists.

I cant wait. I am weak at the knees. I feel like an explorer.