I CANT UNTANGLE

Brief, I keep telling myself to be brief.
To the point.
I have been failing so badly at it. I am a talker, a gabber. Pun, really really not intended. The new year is coming, and I am not really one for new year resolutions because I tendto lie to myself much more than anything else, but I am constantly reminded that I need to get my shit together. I am a mess.
Here are some examples:

I am inconsistent
I am unreliable
I am lazy
I am stubborn
I am a know it all
I am a child
I am irresponsible
I am prone to too many distraction
I am prone to jumping to conclusions
I am a world class sleeper. In a bad way.
I put too much pressure on people.
I overwhelm
I underwhelm
I never finish what I begin
I don't want to hang on too much
I don't want to let go either
I am a mess

I have a busy year ahead. Most of these failures have developed within the last few years which is frustrating. Either way I should change, soon.

I guess another thing that I should fix within the next few like, seconds is one of the above. I need to stop putting excess pressure on people. I realize that I am overwhelming certain people with my talk of the years to come and what's going to happen with friendships and everything else. When this happens just hit me, or put your hand over my mouth. I can't help it. So, losing people is my forte and saying goodbye is like a catch phrase. Sorry. I need to stop, but just know that when I do this I have nothing but good intentions. I just love the people in my life so much it would just suck to have the people I know become the people I knew.

I keep doing this to people. I was recently talking to a friend who I had been really close to for a long time and it's made me feel terrible because I realized I shut her out. It's more me than anything. When given the opportunity I do that. I become a hermit, I am a child in that sense I suppose. Maybe I just want attention. Well, thats stupid. Maybe I want them to look for me. I don't know.

Otherwise, I guess since the last time we spoke the only major changes have been outside of me. Presidents were chosen, decisions over love were made. Let's hope we continue to take steps forward and stop taking steps back.

//<3