um. so that was a strange long intense night. and its only 240.
So I think Cynthia has the right idea on this business.
Post here all my thoughts and junk. You know the sentimental stuff.
Post on my tumblr all the things that make me laugh cry..you know all that other cooler stuff.
So, good call Cindy. Thats awesome. You really are the brains of the operation.
But I still have nothing to blog about.
Well maybe.
I went to see a show (Tallahassee, Last Good Tooth...) by some RISD kids as well as some other bands tonight with D and Jackie and it was pretty awesome. I drank some delish drinks and bought a sexy t-shirt. Im pretty excited cause its heather grey. MMM.
Tommorow after class I am hanging out with Esty for some dominican lovin and to catch up and on Thursday I am finally going to go get my tattoo(s).
It has to be done and I keep waiting. But, the longer I wait the less money I have so I best do it now. After which I am going to go to McFaddens with D and Jackie for a friends get together which I don't want to be awkward so I am bringing backup. It should be interesting to say the least. I am always kind of awkward at first meeting so maybe having people around me who I know might help. But, Im pretty awkward either way so NO WIN!
The Friday morning I am going to leave for NYC. I come back Sunday around 11 which is about the time I begin HW anyway so I figure I will be fine.
Hopefully while in NYC I get to see Equus and Vanessa the love of my life. And of course the lovely people who make the city oh so sexy. You know who you are.
Living alone has been kind of weird but pretty ok I think. I mean, I am now positive that I am not the kind of person who can live alone. I need energy around me and I need stability and just in general another point of view. Plus. Living alone makes it easy to be a recluse, which I am always on the verge of becoming. So, I have to keep myself going and make myself do stuff and meet up with people and call. But, I guess it has made it easier on the bringing home front. Haha. Thats kind of awesome.
Also, I dream a lot weirder now being alone. Like weird ass scary dreams all the time. My body must know its going to wake alone.
Anyway. I miss everyone alot. Alot alot. And I am excited to see everyone again. But thats 3 weeks. So until then.
<3
Im moving over to twitter cause its sexier and i hate bloggers layout.
here is my blog blog with random stuff and writing
so close
and here is my music tumblr
safe soft alone
cool.
I should never do these things when I have had a bit too much to drink. For one, it takes too damn long. For two its like drunk dialing. Truth is I dont know why I am doing this thing. I guess I can't sleep and slow typing is my ffavorite thing in the world. I am a pro.
I can feel my pulse on my collar bone and my mouth tastes like alcohol and cigarrettes. My lips are swollen my eyes are burning my cheeks are red I can't stop crying. Its so stupid. I just can't. Even if I wanted to I couldn't. I get to emotional at these times and everything I cant have and everything I hate about myself comes to the surface. Even after a great night. A night with nothing to be mad about. Here I am.
I recently saw a commercial. Maybe I am just chronicaly depressed and esp when I am drunk. I mean, with my history. I probabably shold not drink. But here I am. My hands are tied and I am tired. The one thing I want is so far away, and I am to scared of everything.
I am who I am and I am afraid I will become my father. Or maybe not. I dont knwo. All I know is that when I am this drunk and alone all I want to do is cry and yell and scream and read and listen and sleep next to you. I just want to be next to you. I just want to be next to something. I just dont want this.
All I know about myself I learned from you. All I know is that I am a mess and honestly maybe I dont care for relationships because I am trying to keep people from this. Not because I want to be alone. Because.
